Sunday Funnies: Sept 25

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Hard Choices

A 92-year-old man who lived a pretty wild life was given a birthday present by his wild son (himself in his 70s): a call girl for the night. When he went to answer the door bell, he found this very beautiful woman standing there, dressed in a way that revealed her profession.

She greeted him with the words: “Hi, I’m Susie, and I’ve come to give you a birthday present: super sex!”

The man stood there for a bit, trying to take it all in, and then finally blurted out:

“I’ll take the soup!”

Sunday Funnies: Sept 18

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Try This at a Party

Two men are shuffling down the hall of their retirement home, in opposite directions. Just as they come up to each other, one says:

“Do you know what my name is?”

The other stops, looks carefully at him for a bit, rolls his eyes as he thinks and finally answers:

“How soon do you need to know?”

Sunday Funnies: Sept 11

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Spark and Spontaneity

Three couples lived in a retirement home. The three women often complained that their husbands had lost their spark and spontaneity. So one day the decide they are going to try to wake them up. They plan to “streak” past them.

They choose a day when the three guys are each sitting in rocking chair on the sun porch, reading and quietly looking out at the scenery. So the women streak past – not too fast, but they each shuffle in front of the men.

After they pass, the men say to one another:

“Did you see what I think I saw?”

“I think so.”

“What do you think they were wearing?”

“I don’t know, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing!”

Sunday Funnies: Sept 4

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Raising Problem Kids

A college sophomore who had spent most of the school year in one kind of trouble or another received the following card from his parents who were vacationing in Greece:

“Dear Son, we are now standing high on a cliff from which the ancient Spartan women once hurled their defective children to the rocks below. Wish you were here.”

Sunday Funnies: Aug 28

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Heaven

A family of mice attempted to cross the freeway and all 21 of them are killed by an 18-wheel truck. They all go to heaven at the same time.

After they’ve been there for one week, St. Peter asks how it is going for them. They say that its wonderful except that heaven is so big it takes them so long to get around. St. Peter responds by giving them all a roller skate to move a bit faster and they love it.

The next week an alley cat is killed and goes to heaven. After a few days St. Peter asks the cat how things are. He replies, “Terrific. I especially like your meals on wheels program.”

Sunday Funnies: August 21

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Rainbows

A mom says to her daughter, “Look at the beautiful rainbow that God painted for us this morning.”

The daughter replies, “And just think, Mommy, he did it all with his left hand!”

The mom asks, “What do you mean, Sweetheart? Can’t God use both hands?”

The daughter answers, “Of course not, Mommy. Jesus is sitting on his right hand!”

(from Parables, Vol. 4, No. 7, September 1984)

Sunday Funnies: August 14

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Less Than Meets the Eye

A department store floor manager noticed a young boy staring intently at the handrail of an escalator. The manager walked over to him and asked, “Son, are you all right?”

The boy nodded “yes” without looking up.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

The boy shook his head “no” and continued to look at the handrail.

“Well, young man, do you want me to explain to you how escalators work?”

The lad replied “No, Mister, I’m just waiting for my bubble gum to come back!”

From Parables, November 1982

Sunday Funnies: August 7

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Funny How

Funny how a $10 bill looks so big when you take it to church, but so small when you take it to the market.

Funny how we get thrilled when a football game goes into overtime, but we complain when a sermon is longer than the regular time.

Funny how we believe what newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how people scramble to get a front seat at any game, but scramble to get a back seat at a church service.

Funny how we can’t think of anything to say when we pray, and don’t have any difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.

Funny how we are so quick to take direction from a total stranger when we are lost, but are hesitant to take God’s direction to be found.

Funny how people are so consumed with what others think about them rather than what God thinks about them.

Funny how so many churchgoers sing “Standing on the Promises,” but all they do is sit on the premises.

Funny how people think that they can get more accomplished in a lifetime without God than in an hour with him.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they don’t have to believe, or to think, or to say, or to do anything.

Funny, isn’t it?

Sunday Funnies: July 31

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

When Does Life Begin?

Three religious leaders were posed the question, “When does life begin?”

The Catholic priest said, “At conception.”

The Protestant pastor replied, “At birth.”

The Rabbi answered, “When the last kid goes to college and the dog dies.”

Sunday Funnies: July 24

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Sins of Omission

The Sunday School teacher asked her class: “What are sins of omission?”

After some thought one little fellow said, “They’re the sins we should have committed but didn’t get around to.”

(from Parables, etc., Vol 3, #3, May 1983)