The Blossom of a Distant Crush

There is no remedy for love but to love more.” – Henry David Thoreau

When my friend Mindy got married over 20 years ago, I remember her remarking that she felt like finding her person freed up a space in her brain for other things.

It was an interesting observation but one I hadn’t thought about in great depth until recently when out of the blue someone I had a distant crush on sent me a beautiful email. In the one gesture, distant crush blossomed into a romantic possibility.

I haven’t spent much time actively dating since I decided to have kids on my own. In these seven years, I’ve had that space in my brain, as Mindy calls it, free to focus on taking care of these kids and more or less just cruising along getting things done.

So I’m a little shocked to remember all the space that having a little romance takes up in life, of which only a small portion is actually consumed by the lovely time spent talking to him.

First, I have emotions all over the place – excitement, fear, expectancy, impatience. They cycle through my day creating waves (often of elation and joy) in what to used to be a pretty calm (mostly happy) sea.

Second, I’ve spent all sorts of time making a music playlist called “Thinking of You” and listening to it instead of the podcasts and books I used to so efficiently consume. Granted, a lot of my podcasts have been on summer break so there’s that but to match my mood, all I want to listen to is The Cure, Cold Play, Leonard Cohen and so on.

Third, I wake up in the middle of the night now with my brain racing to think about what’s next, the last conversation we had or to wonder about all sorts of things I can’t control. I think about The Hot Goddess’s latest brilliantly funny snarky pie chart about communication in midlife dating and wish I had her sense of humor about all this. Or The Goddess Attainable’s list of Zen she’s found from dating disappointments and wonder if I can find my Zen again.

All I can say is that this makes for a very rich meditation practice. Finding the space beneath all the energy and excitement where the river of life still flows and will carry me regardless of what is to come seems both harder to do these days but also more important.

I’m also discovering that it doesn’t matter how old you are, the intensity of new possibility is electrifying. I might have lost that space in my brain but I’ve opened wide a space in my heart where possibility roams free.

(Quote from Mary of the delightful Awakening Wonders blog, featured photo is mine)

47 thoughts on “The Blossom of a Distant Crush

      1. Ah…you see me — yup – I believe in love! But I also know that what Tamara offered in her comments are true. Even though you and I share the personality preferences for “knowing” (no matter the topic, I think) this is a time for deliberate steps – but don’t forget to bring your characteristic joyfulness along. It’s your superpower! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh, you are so sweet, Vicki! I think it’s safe to say that I’ve lived into my joyfulness enough that it goes with me everywhere. But I’m thankful that age means that I think I probably will bring my head along too. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I met my second husband in my mid-life, after having spent a few solitary years raising my daughter, and I made a few assumptions that turned out to be wrong.

    I had assumed that we were both mature people, and since he was 19 years older than me and had grown children, our relationship would be conducted in a healthy mature manner; I was wrong in that assumption.

    I had assumed that because we were both older we would be able to recognize a healthy relationship, and so could move things along faster, so I agreed to live with him sooner than would be recommended, not realizing that narcissists flatter their would-be partners into thinking this because they know they cannot sustain the facade of appearing to be emotionally healthy and well balanced. I was wrong in that assumption too.

    I’m very happy about your new romance!

    In the emotional throes of the romance, please keep your level head and pay attention to incongruities in words and behavior, for the clues are there. All the advances you have made and all the inner work you have done on yourself need to be kept front and center! Please do not make little sacrifices of those advances, but instead keep true to you of today, not you of yesteryear!

    Above all, go slowly! Do not rush any step thinking that with maturity those steps aren’t necessary. They are.

    Blessings to you and your relationship!

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Wynne, I definitely don’t want to rain on your parade! Unfortunately, my truth has also been experienced by other women “of a certain age” where we feel we can let our guards down. Thanks for your open mind, and again, blessings upon your new romance!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I totally get it, Tamara. As I said in my comment to Julia, there are some geographical challenges we are not likely to solve. For me, this is more about just the fun of feeling awake in this respect again, and actually is a good testing ground for how to stay centered in the midst of it all, regardless of the outcome. 🙂

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      3. *le sigh!* Sorry to hear about the geographic challenges. I hope you’re enjoying the fun and the moment!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Playlists are our generations mixtapes. I love that you put one together. 💖
    Pleasant surprises are the best – I’m glad you’re enjoying this one. You’ve described the emotions beautifully.

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  3. I echo Tamara’s thoughts. I was so blinded by the dazzle that I ignored the red flags for which I paid a hefty price. On the other hand, that relationship provided me with some of the most powerful lessons of my life. Painful as it was at the time, I would not trade it for the world. So listen with your very wise heart, and if it feels right, dive right in! After all, what is more exciting than a budding romance? 💕

    Liked by 3 people

    1. What a deep comment, Julia – some of the most powerful lessons of my life! Yes!

      Well, I have to say that for me this one is more about just the feeling of waking up. There are geographical challenges that we are not likely to overcome. In some ways, it’s a perfect way to test the waters to see if I can find my peace – even amongst the excitement. A hard proposition.

      Thank you so much for the encouragement and wise counsel, my friend!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. What an adventure Wynne! I hope that you and the friend- no matter what the outcome may be, find fun, laughter and companionship, and are able to create wonderful memories while you explore where this may lead.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Thanks so much for the shoutout Wynne! And how exciting that your crush reached out to you and all you had to do was kind of receive 💖 And yup, of course now you’re prob on the roller coaster of feelings bc how can that not happen? It’s just what happens. Oh I’m rooting for you and this and sending you good vibes! Xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right, Libby – it was so exciting that all I had to do was receive. I guess that happens about once every seven years… 🙂 Thank you for rooting for me – it’s so interesting to try to create calm in the midst of these feelings!! But having friends along on the ride with us helps!! Thanks, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah I just thought of that like an hour ago, like hmm I wonder if Wynne was single for those entire 7 years and if I did nothing in terms of searching, is that how long I’d have to wait? 🤔🤣 Yeah I say lean into the drama of it all. Is that terrible advice? You’re a strong and solid woman so keeping balance might be about losing yourself. Like that line in eat pray love “Liz, sometimes you need to lose yourself in love to keep your balance in life.” 💖💖💖🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Love that Liz Gilbert quote. I think that’s a really great perspective! Thanks, Libby!

        I don’t know if that’s how long you’d have to wait. There’s something about being pregnant that makes guys assume you aren’t available. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  6. This is wonderful, Wynne. Love and romance and crushes are electric and jolting at any age – and thankfully you now also have the wisdom from life to approach it with differently too. Enjoy every moment! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “I’m also discovering that it doesn’t matter how old you are, the intensity of new possibility is electrifying. I might have lost that space in my brain but I’ve opened wide a space in my heart where possibility roams free.” Electrifying indeed! I’m so happy for you and your full-of-possibilities heart! I’m honored to be mentioned in this lovely post. Thank you, Wynne. Big hugs and best wishes for lush blossoming. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Whoa. So honest and open here in a public space. Does he read your blog? Does he know about it? Surely, he must, right? And you’re okay with that? Have you openly talked about these things with him? So fun to witness you going through this. 🙂 I love it. I’m so happy for you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, this just warms my heart, Betsy! I love having you along for the ride, whatever it is! I don’t think he reads my personal blog but I’m okay with it if he stumbles across it. I’m too old to hide much… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. This just warms my heart! Having been there myself (you know, because you read my story), I remember very well those electric feelings of excitement you are experiencing. These are heady days, my friend — ones that you will remember and cherish always. Enjoy the ride!

    Liked by 1 person

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