Ride the Wave

You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

I started meditating this morning and instead of bringing me peace, more and more fears popped up. Fear of my son’s transition to a new classroom and teachers at school. Fear for how the mornings and evenings would go for me as I try to support him through it and get him to eat, sleep and change diapers. Fear of whether his little friend at school was still enrolled. Fear about whether my fellow carpoolers would remember that it was early release for our daughters at school today and pick them up on time.

Sometimes meditation uncovers crap that I’d prefer to leave boxed up.

I sat on my meditation cushion just trying to observe the fears as they popped up. Soon I was just pouring with sweat and sitting in an uncomfortable heap. But after a few minutes, maybe five or maybe ten, I ran out of worries. All of a sudden I realized I could hear my neighbor’s fountain in their back yard and then I opened my eyes and the sun was coming up. Everything, including me, felt sunnier.

Life keeps teaching me not to interrupt the natural cycles. By letting my worries and fears pop themselves up and wear themselves out til I was empty, I naturally filled back up with faith. Leaning into the process and sweating it out, I am learning to ride the wave instead of fighting the current. My younger self fought the current the whole way insisting on keeping the worries on the inside, the sunniness on the outside and being enervated by the battle the whole day long. But I’ve found when I ride the wave, sooner or later, I am delivered back to solid ground where I continue on with the day, surprisingly refreshed.

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4 thoughts on “Ride the Wave

  1. Oh, I totally trust you are right that we’ll get there eventually. Your kids started this week, right? Hope that is going well for you all!

    I love that you are doing yoga and meditation. As you can tell, I definitely think it’s worth it for what it’s done for my health and happiness. If you ever want to join the 1/2 hour class my meditation teacher does on Zoom on Friday, DM me. I think it would be at noon your time but it’s a small group and she’s funny and real. Like the story I tell in this post: https://wynneleon.wordpress.com/2021/06/12/the-current-underneath/

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  2. Very positive. The mind is always ready to wander and never towards good things. Have to keep it on a tight leash so that it stays within the limits of hopeful thinking. Glad you could collect yourself into a refreshing frame of mind.
    Best wishes to you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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